I know I promised you I’d blog every day this month. I wasn’t able to blog yesterday.
I had a very bad day yesterday. Actually, it started good. Early in the morning, I sent our driver to deliver our Christmas gift to my Uncle Quito’s house. Before Claudia left for the gym she messaged us in our family chat group that our Sunday lunch will be at Mamou in Power Plant Mall. I was already psyching myself up for the day.
I was in our living room upstairs hanging out when my phone rang. It was my Uncle Quito calling. So, I picked up the call and he was thanking me, blah, blah, blah. Every time I talk to Uncle Quito I always end up laughing. He’s always joking around. Never serious. He said he just spoke to Mom and the more I laughed ‘cos he always makes fun of Mom (or anyone for that matter).
I was so happy and excited when I was talking to him (I always am).
When suddenly out of the blue there was this f*cking very loud voice screaming at me from downstairs. “Hoy, hoy, hoy!!!! Ang inggay mo!”
The more I made noise. I laughed louder, I talked louder, etc. Everything became louder.
Uncle Quito and I continued our chat. I did not mind TB screaming but I was so angry already. When Uncle Quito and I hung up I did not run downstairs. I leapt.
Talagang lumipad ako. That’s how angry I was.
“Don’t you ever, ever, ever, f*cking disrespect me when I am on the phone especially when I’m talking to MY relatives. Cos I don’t f*cking do that to you. Okay, so I’m loud. You should know that by now. Ask the maid to tell me to lower my voice but do not scream at me.”
I was thinking pag ito pumalag at sasagutin ako babatuhin ko talaga sya ng 12 ft. Christmas tree namin. I swear to god.
Then, I stopped ‘cos for the first time TB did not say anything. He just looked at me and probably saw I was so angry. And said nothing.
So, tumahimik na lang ako.
- please do not disrespect my family. This will trigger me. No, not my family. Ako na lang, ‘wag sila. I was talking to my Uncle. If I was talking to a friend like Roxanne I would still get angry but I won’t take it personally.
- I am always loud. I am wired that way. I will always be loud. I am louder when I am excited and happy. And even more loud in the morning. My kids up to now are having a hard time accepting my being loud, especially Claudia. “Mom, please, your voice is so loud.” And I always answer her screaming: MY VOICE IS NOT LOUD. Just to piss her off. While Vinny, will face me and cover his ears and every time he does this, I really shut up cos I feel the poor guy had too much already. Vito, never did I hear him complain. Bless his heart.
- when both of you are angry the other one should shut up. I hear this all the time. It just got proven.
But it did not mean I was okay. I was still so angry and hurt. Penersonal ko talaga. I went to my room and cried myself to death. I told Vinny I wasn’t going to the lunch. Na sira ang araw ko. I won’t be able to enjoy lunch with how I felt and I don’t want to go out pangit.
I just stayed in my room the whole afternoon and every now and then I would start all over again and cry. All the kids were out and when I simmered down I felt like a depressed idiot.
- you know that feeling after you get angry and scream at someone and you feel bad and feel like an idiot? That feeling.
- I felt soooo bad, I destroyed our Sunday lunch. I always look forward to our Sunday lunch. I do not even care where we eat. I’m there for the company, not the food. But the kids you know how they are. They just want to eat since they are always hungry.
At this point I was not only hurt (kasi sinigawan ako), I felt so bad and wanted to kick myself.
Early evening Vinny went inside my room and told me that the new concert of Barbra Streisand is already out on Netflix. My kids know how I love Barbra. I grew up with her music (she is one of Mom’s favorites). I have seen all her movies, memorized all her songs, seen most of her concerts (video), etc. So, that perked me up.
I watched the concert and it sort of calmed me down and made me happy. Altho’ while watching the concert there were parts in the concert that made me cry.
I’ll tell you what I think of the concert in tomorrow’s post. At least my content na ako bukas. LOL.
And that is why I was not able to blog yesterday. Sorry po, tao lang po.
Top: Zara || Pants: Uniqlo || Shoes: Gucci Princetown Slippers || Bag: Gucci || Willow Jewelry