I’m sure a lot of you are wondering why I am doing this and why not settle it in private. At this point where I am at now, I want this open because there is no turning back. This is the straw that broke the camels back.
I know how S works. Her mouth will work non-stop, her mouth will work 24/7.
Behind our backs (me, my mom and dad, my brother D and his family).
But I don’t work that way. You want something to say to me? Say it straight to my face. Then, maybe we can settle it in private. If I am still willing to settle. At this point, I don’t want to have anything to do with S, A, & P.
So, I will deal with this my way. I don’t want to go behind their backs and tell my side of the story. I will tell my side in the open… Because I am so f*cking tired of all the backstabbing and badmouthing that S has been doing to everyone of us. For far too long.
I want it to stop. And if it means that it will destroy everything. Then so be it. For me, it is not worth saving anymore.
The very thing that I was avoiding for over a year happened. S & P got themselves involved in the fight of A and my brother D and his family. The shit hit the fan, so to speak.
And for the record, I tried to do damage control when this thing happened.
I called A several times, she did not pick up. I texted her and told her to call me. No call. Okay. I get it.
So, I called S.
She listened to what I was saying and after I was done she told me, “kung unsa man ang sa’ ni A na papas na tanan tungod sa serbosyo niya ni mom & dad.”
Tagalog: “kung ano man ang kasalanan ni A na bura na lahat dahil sa serbisyo nya kay mom & dad.
English: “whatever wrong that A did it is already erased because of the service she has done to mom and dad.”
Whaaat? Did I hear it right?
I was shocked. What S said was wrong. Wrong on all levels. But I did not say anything anymore because at that time I was still trying to save whatever was left of our relationship. I didn’t want to argue and fight. If I have to shut up then I will shut up.
So, I shut up.
Why should we feel indebted to A? It’s her parents, too. Why are you paying A to take care of mom & dad? That’s her mom & dad, too. What she is doing is her share as a daughter. That’s the only thing she can contribute. Of course, I am grateful for what she’s doing. In the same way that she should be grateful for what I am doing. Or what everyone is doing. She is not the only one. We all take care of mom & dad.
But indebted NO. She can get away with anything (even if it’s wrong) because of her service to mom & dad? NO.
If that’s the case then all of us can do anything wrong and it will be erased because of what we have done for mom & dad.
When S said that I knew right then and there that this is a lost cause. She was not even thinking straight anymore. S was more focus of the favorite apo. She wanted them out of the house because of what happened. Do you even know what exactly happened? You only heard A’s side of the story. But of course, she will never listen to the other side. She’s only interested in kicking the favorite apo and his family out of the house.
That’s her issue. Kick them out of the house otherwise cut off everything.
So, S & P cut off everything.
Okay, let them cut off everything.
They forgot all about me. They forgot that I am around. They forgot that I will never leave mom & dad.
They were powerless. And this is something big for S, someone who wants to control everything.
A few days after that they shut me down.
S
Ever since we were kids you never like me. In fact, you hated me. I thought you will get over it when we grow up. After all, we were just kids. But I felt your hatred towards me all throughout our childhood and the more when we became adults.
What did I do to you? You’re my older sister, you are the eldest, I respected you for that.
Altho’ we did not talk to each other for 5 – 6 years I would hear stories that you bad mouthed me. You keep on bad mouthing me. I took the high road and let it go. For as long as I am not guilty of anything. And I always tell myself (every time you bad mouth me and backstab me) that you were probably having a bad day.
And whatever you say about me doesn’t really matter cos I am more blessed than you. In all f*cking angles. I don’t have time for hating (anyone) because I am enjoying my life. I am happy with my life. I don’t have room for hate in my life.
A would always tell me everything you said about me. Everything. When you became close to LC, A told me everything what you told LC about me. And LC made it her life goal that what you said about me will reach me.
But I kept silent.
Whatever you said about me tells more about you than of me. One of the people that you talked to got shocked with what you were saying about me.
“How can she say that? Tina’s her sister.” That’s what the person said.
What comes out of your mouth will reflect on what kind of a person you are.
When Erning died and we started talking again, I never confronted you about all the backstabbing you did to me. Because I want to start with a clean slate. I was telling myself that we can be friends, we can make this work. I want it to work.
But when you & P fought I saw the other side of you. You said so many bad things about P. Which up to now I can’t believe that you had the guts to say something like that about someone who is your own sister (I have everything stored in Viber. Everything you said about P). I could just imagine how you are with me every time you talk about me.
I know how you will explain that. I know you will say, but what I said is true.You know what? It doesn’t mean just because it is true, it is right.
Calling your own sister “Brenda.”(At first, I did not understand what “brenda” means. You called P brenda so many times). Brenda means brain damage.
You said that K (P’s husband) treated P like a maid. How can you say that about your own sister? That is so mean.
These are just a few of the bad things that you said about P. The rest is something I would not rather discuss because it is so demeaning.
But everyone in our chat group read all your rantings about P (you ranted for how many months. It didn’t sound right anymore).
We all kept quiet. Because 1. We did not want to make it big anymore. 2. We were shocked about the things you have said. P is so much younger than you. How can you fight her that way? And she was just silent the whole time. She did not do anything to further aggravate you. 3. We did not want to take sides.
You complained about A.
A keeps on asking you things. A wants to get everything. You said A is doing what she’s doing (report to you and everything she does for you) because she wants to redeem herself. Because A can’t be trusted when it comes to money. You told me about what A did to Uncle Quito.
When the wife of the favorite apo posted something on Facebook regarding her daughter, why did you react? That post was not intended for you. You said you want to put her in her right place. What? It seems that you did not understand what she was trying to say.
Let me explain to you what she meant. You can do anything to her but the minute you touch her children then she will defend them. This is a typical voice of a mother (which you will never understand because you are not a mother).
A bullied and verbally abused her 8-year-old daughter in front of her. What was she suppose to do? Just watch?
It’s just too bad for A that D found out about it. And in your eyes A is the victim? Are you f*cking kidding me?
And yet I tried to make everything work. Up to the very end, I tried to make it work.
But God has a strange way of showing things. God knows my heart. He knows I am sincere. He knows I mean well. So, things happened the way it was meant to happen.
You don’t deserve me. You don’t deserve my kindness. You don’t deserve my love.
A
Where do I even begin with you?
Up to now, you are still denying the fact that what happened was not your fault. But I know deep in your heart you know what’s the truth. You know that you shouldn’t have opened your mouth that caused this chaos we all are facing now. All because you were not thinking.
That’s always your excuse every time I confront you in the past. “Why did you have to say that?” How many times have I ever said that to you? How many times?
A lot. And you always say “I was not thinking, it slipped my mind.” And every time I have always forgiven you.
You were the cause why S and I stopped talking to each other 5-6 years ago. You know that. You know what you did.
I told S about it when she came home during Erning’s burial. I told her the reason why I got angry at her. But guess what? She denied it. She denied everything that you told me.
During the first death anniversary of Erning and S came home. What did you say? Do you remember? If you don’t I will refresh your memory.
You said that S came home for the first death anniversary of Erning because she feels guilty ‘cos she mistreated Erning when he was still alive. Didn’t you say “na guilty man na siya kay iya man ng gi daug daug si Erning sa una.”
You cannot deny this. I have a witness.
You used Gina’s Facebook account to stalk people. You read Gina’s Facebook private messages. Guess what? I called Gina and told her to change her password. That is why you can’t go inside her account anymore.
You told Ariane that you did not send the video to S (the video that you took when the favorite apo was freaking out because of what you did). The favorite apo was not mad at mom at that time. He was mad at you. And you know that. Did you even tell S & P the truth? You made it come out that the favorite apo was harassing mom.
One of your many lies.
When I gave you MacBook Air and iPhone 6 you said it was my peace offering to you. A peace offering? You were the one who called me first. You were the one who said you needed a laptop. You were the one who asked for my iPhone 6. And I am the one giving you peace offering?
Every time you talk to S you bad mouth me. Every time you talk to me you bad mouth S. You are serving 2 masters because you want to have both worlds. You know what? You didn’t have to do that. I would have still given you anything you asked from me.
You don’t deserve me. You don’t deserve my kindness. You don’t deserve my generosity. You don’t deserve my love.
P
When you & S were fighting and stopped talking to each other I did not side with anyone. In fact, I did my best that you guys will patch things up. But you refused to talk about it. You refused to talk to her. And I respected your decision.
But when K died the first thing you wanted was call S. So now, I want to know. Who is using who?
When K died my heart bled for you. I mourned with you. I flew thousands of miles just to be with you. I left my kids for several days to comfort you.
I don’t leave my kids just like that. I hardly leave them at all. But for you I did.
And that says a lot.
I know you did not ask me to. But I did because I wanted to. Because I felt your pain.
And just like that, you threw away the love that I gave you.
You don’t deserve me. You don’t deserve my kindness. You don’t deserve my generosity. You don’t deserve my love.
Actually, I am happy things happened this way. Things will never be the same again. For whatever it was worth, you (S, A, & P) lost me along the way.
If they ask you about me, tell them: “she was the only person that loved me with all honesty, and I broke her.”
Hi Ms T!
I’m a silent reader for many many years now, but your story this time radiated with me the most because you and my mother are in the same situation. she and her siblings are not talking also because of jealousy and them being loud-mouths! despite her supporting them and their families, they always had somethinh bad to say behind her back and accused her of being selfish.
May you not lose your inner peace!
love love love ❤️
Ang sakit sa dibdib…
You’ve done everything you can, and praying for them is the only thing you can do now. Just focus on seeing to it that your parents’ remaining years are pleasant, and reassure your brother D and his family that they’re truly loved by you.
Sometimes, sunlight is the best disinfectant.
I applaud you so much for speaking out.
Dysfunction always thrives in silence.
The first step in helping an addict (as an example for anyone who is dysfunctional) is letting them know they have a problem. Clearly, they need to be better people and you did your job pointing that out. This was the last gift you have given ur sisters.
“Last night I lost the world, and gained the universe.”
― C. JoyBell C.
Sending you peace and love Ms. T <3
Hindi sa nangingialam
Kundi nakikisimpatya
Nalulungkot ako
Para sa yo at sa kanila
Sa yo kasi pinahalagahan mo sila
Minahal dahil kapatid mo sila
Ngunit ang sinukli ay ang inyong pagluha
Pighati at dalamhati
Sa kabila ng lahat ng mga sinabi
At ginawa
Hangad ko ay kapayapaan ng damdamin
Para sa yo. Sa mga magulang. At sa mga taong nasaktan nila.
(Apekted much ako madame napanaginipan kita bago ko pa nabasa ang entry mo kahapon at ngayon. Hug na lang kita madame.)
Naiyak ako. My heart goes out to you & your parents. I don’t know you personally but I felt your pain. I’ll pray that our good Lord will heal your parents’ hearts and especially you. Hang in there!
Been a silent reader for quite a while. You are not alone in this. My mom is in the same situation. Her sisters had been using and bullying her for years. She is at peace now because she has stopped taking their calls and has since deleted her Facebook account.
You will get past this, and find happiness again , Ms. T.
Hi MIss T! I have been a fan of your blog and admire you. Reading your last two entries, I can say that each family has its own dilemma with the family members. It really is very unfortunate that the ones you expect to understand and protect you are the ones who attack you in so any ways. Maybe that’s why God gave us friends – the ones who we can choose to love and protect us, the ones who will be with us through thick and thin. I learned not to stress myself out. Yes, it is challenging (ang sarap kaya pumatol, haha) but I pray and surrender everything to the Lord, ‘bahala ka na sa kanila, Lord!’ is what I would always say. God is good, Miss T, I know good karma will come your way, as it always does because you are a good person. 🙂
Reading your blog is like reliving my life all over again and still is, and I am learning to walk away from people who give me pain the most and most of the time it hurts to turn away, like you, I too must be brave enough to move on. Sometimes no turning back is the best thing you can do for yourself. Thank you for letting us know, that we are not alone. God Bless…
Ms T, I read this a couple of times. Everytime I felt your pain with each word. It stings. But I hope the release will at least lighten the load. Its difficult to be in this situation. Remember though that it happens in every family. Some will go to the extent of murdering each other for money while others squabble for stupid mundane shits. My mother just celebrated her 75th and she finally told me when she came back from the Philippines that her only younger sister is a lost cause. She will not have anything to do with her. In the past she was forgiven each time she used my mothers name to borrow tens of thousands from people forcing Mom to pay. She illegally registered the ancestral land under her name forcing my mom to spend thousands hiring lawyers. She took over my grandmothers house and pushed her out claiming its hers now. My Lola died with a broken heart. She spread nasty rumours about my 75 year old mom even as she receives money & presents every yearly bakasyon arrival. Its like she has never recovered from the childhood jealousy. She once invited my mom and my Australian Dad for dinner at her house and she appeared in her sexy lingerie nightie serving dinner. We just laughed about it but it was telling. My mom is happier now. a fog has been lifted at 75 years of age.