I was talking to mom early this morning like we usually do (I call her every morning and every night)(to check on them). She told me something that triggered my sense and sensibilities.
This morning when Dad and Mom were having breakfast Dad asked her again why “they” (my sisters) are not calling them anymore. Dad is already old (he will be 81 this coming November) and he probably forgot what happened last July. Or maybe he did not forget but as a ‘man’ he thinks that everything is okay by now. Or he thinks that everything got solved naturally. You know how men are. Very different from women.
This is how their conversation went.
Dad: na unsa man na sila, wala naman gyud manawag. – what happened to them? they have not called us anymore.
Mom: ha? kalimut ka nga na suko man na sila nato? – have you forgotten? they are angry at us.
Dad: ah, siaro. Hantud karon? – until now?
Mom: na hadlok tingali na sila mangayo ka ug kwarta. – maybe they are scared that you will ask money
Dad: kalimti ang kwarta. Sa ako na lang pagka amahan nila.- forget the money. But as their father
Mom: ‘dy, kalimti na to sila. Ayaw na pagandoy manawag pa to sila. – ‘dy, forget them. Don’t hope that they will still call us.
Mom said, “to tell you the truth Tin, I’m okay if they don’t call. I’m happier now. I can sleep peacefully at night. I don’t get scared when my phone rings and it is S calling. Everything is just so different. I have never been so happy in my life like now. If they call it’s okay, if they don’t so much the better.”
It made me think, was it that bad? I mean, come on. I was not around everytime S calls my mom. What I know is that Mom is scared to talk to S cos she always makes ‘boyboy’ (I don’t know how to say it in English). Which she hates and can’t do anything but to listen to her.
S verbally abused them for far too long already that my mom wishes that they don’t call her anymore. Yes, it is that bad. And it just sank in my brain just now.
Verbal abuse is one kind of abuse that is so lethal (or any kind of abuse for that matter).
I told mom, “mom, don’t worry, I will do everything in my power that S will not do this to you anymore.”
Not on my f*****g watch.
I have been following this story, Tin. No wonder I haven’t seen comments of your sister on your FB posts for awhile now.
Pareha sa ngipon, ug di na mada ug pasta ug crown, kinahanglan na jud ibton. Mao pod na sa atong relasyon sa atong mga higala ug atong mga pamilya. Sakit ang proseso pero mas makaayo.
Hi, Lili! I haven’t heard from you in a long time! Hope all is well.
Hi Ms. Tina,
I think “boyboy” is like sumbat?
Sumbat – stating every good deed he / she had done to the person.
Taong nnunumbat is nagbibilang lagi ng naitulong nya sa ibang tao.
I heard my Father said “boyboy” to his older brother. 🙂
Yes! That’s the Tagalog word for boyboy. Sumbat. Hahahahaha! That’s the past time of my sister, na nunumbat!
It’s so refreshing to see you take control of the situation. Filipino families are notorious for not confronting dysfunction. Everything is swept under the rug for the sake of “peace.”
Of course, the irony is that when everything is done for the sake of “peace,” the situations only get dirtier and messier.
As I’ve gotten older, I’ve learned not to pander to anyone. And I definitely don’t enable dysfuntion.
I wish more people could be as resolute as you. I love it when people are called out for their bad behavior.
I need to do this. I want to shield my parents from being hurt. I want their last few years to be the best years of their lives.
I feel so bad for your parents.
But as your Mom said they are happier now so that’s good 🙂
Yes, it’s a good thing Christine at least wala ng manunumbat sa kanya. But Dad sometimes he forgets and looks for them.
IMHO, no one needs that kind of toxicity.. Even at the guise of family.
Exactly.
I saw a friend post a link to this short article, and I remembered you: https://themindsjournal.com/why-its-okay-to-cut-toxic-family-members-out-of-your-life/
I’ve seen this article coming out a lot on different sites the past weeks.